10 Things I Should Be Able To Do, But Can't

This afternoon I had a friend over to play through a song I arranged. Miracle of miracles, it was a success!!!

This overly-kind friend then asked me "Is there anything you can't do?" And I, in all of my brilliance, said "ski".

After she left, in true Devany fashion, I thought of much better answers to her question. There are so many things I cannot do, that I wish I could...and so here they are in no particular order.

1. Use a drill. I have tried and tried and tried. It astounds Steve because I'm handy with just about every other tool. Every time I pick up a drill, a hole appears in the wall...in the wrong place.

2. Keep my house clean. There is no way around it. If I send my kids away and clean the entire house, which I have done before, it is trashed within 1 hour of their return.

3. Bake 2 identical batches of chocolate chip cookies. There are 1 million ways to bake CC cookies and I have done at least 1000 of them, never repeating any two. (ps same recipe every time)

4. Remove chocolate stains from clothes. At this point, you may as well throw them away.

5. Diet. Don't even start with me. I've been down the "healthy" eating road, and it just leads to OCD. I'd rather be pleasantly plump than skinny and hungry.

6. Surf the Net. I just don't get it. See another recent blog post for a rant on that subject.

7. Kill a Spider. Actually this is only partly true. I have now gotten to the point where I can hit one with a fly swatter (thanks for that tip mom!) and kill it, but I am still unable to pick it up in a tissue. It just gives me the heebeegeebee's.

8. Say the word "AMBULANCE" quickly. If I slow it way down, I get it right. Otherwise it comes out as "Amblience" or "Ambelence" or something.

9. Remember...anything. Obviously I can remember things, but never when I need to. For instance, I remember it is Natalie's snack day AFTER she is taken to school. I remember my 2 pm VT appointment at 4pm. I remember I need to bring the diabetes bag AFTER we arrive at grandma's house. I remember to make my kids' lunches after I take them to school. You get the idea.

10. Eat fish. Now I do like crab, but it ends there. I have tried every kind of fish there is, even sushi. No thank you. It is disgusting! It tastes like dirty socks that have been stewed in sweat. There isn't a sauce strong enough to cover it.

Well I guess that's it. Other than that, I can do ANYTHING...except ski.